IT'S ALL COMING OUT NOW...NO HOLDING BACK!




Ok just briefly my day was slow because of school haha. I had tryouts today for the volleyball team. Man to be honest they have some people that can play. Oh yea i saw Nicholas Cage today @ Beverly Hills High School watching a wrestling match. This one white guy comes in during tryouts. So i introduce myself and say that im the J.V. coach. Then he gives me this stupid fucking look! Im like what? Its like you think i've never played volleyball before. BITCH! So then he tells me oh i was the coach last year, so i was thinking well guess what its a new year white boy haha. I also played volleyball with the kids. I had to freaking set for the hitting lines aaaaahhhhhhhhh. I was freaking sweating haha. But i felt like Spittle doing a 360 set =P. Ok thats it.


well alot has happened in not even a week. So i just want to say everything so i can get it off my chest and focus on the problems at home. I woke up today and said i feel like writing and this is what i wrote......


When choices are to be made
the heart conflicts with the mind
making it more difficult
to make this poem rhyme.

Recently conflicts have come up in my life
some major and minor stuff
i want to stand up and yell to the world
that "I'VE HAD ENOUGH"

I really hate the situations at hand
and this shit i've been through
i just want to relax on the nice warm sand
and try to supress what i knew

You cared for me and i cared for you
I would of waited , but i guess you never knew
Theres no point in me waiting
i guess i'll just focus on school
I would of waited forever
But hey i guess i was a fool.

Maybe FRIENDS and time away is the best thing
so i can chill, play guitar, and maybe even sing

Just say those words i said
and let it be done
so i can stop having this feeling
while you go have your fun.

I know i should accept it
and just move on with life
work my way up again
and work through all the strife

We talked last night and it helped me open my eyes
and made me start to question the who? what? when? and whys?

It made me think that we should just move on
I have to calm down, relax, and stay strong.

You have some big choices
and you know what i want to do
so stop hating yourself
and just think it through

I have no other way to get things off my chest
and i hope that you can look back and say you did your best
with the choices you made
hopefully our memories dont fade

ok im done with the poem now its just going to be spilled out regularly. Through out this ordeal that i have faced to my family and the "FEELING TRIANGLE" that im in, i've learned who is there for me and whos just there taking up space. I've also learned to express my feelings now and not hold it in for a long time. THANK YOU To Kris and Ate Tina for always being there for me and talking with me. Krisitine thank you for the advice. Michelle, Neldinne, Jim, Jerome, and A.J. without you guys @ the mount man i'd have to see a therapist. Thanks for listening to me and let me bug you about stuff. Friends dont hurt other friends....

back to the main topic. Wow so your feelings are stronger for this guy huh? Ok then thats fine. You know what fucking sucks though right? Yea i told you already but i think that the public should know! The only reason i gave you room last semester was because you were depressed. Shit you didnt talk to me when you were depressed. I was there for you and you had to try and be tough i guess and not talk to me about it. WHY? I was always there. Oh and i remember that one night when you said you didnt feel like being a couple oh man! I thought that was so messed up. Im really happy that your happy now, but now someone else has a chance to be happy with you. Man i was in that position about 5 months ago. I felt like i never had a chance.... and no its gone and its never coming back. Yea we had alot of funny memories and i'll never forget them.

Why didnt you really tell me how you feel about me? It also doesnt seem like im your "best friend"...Furgi still is. Oh and what's wrong with me? I asked why you liked him and you said hes nice!? Oh man that must make me the meanest person ever. I only think of other people first and shit and try to do my best to help everyone and cheer them up. I tried cheering you up and that was hard enough just to get a smile on your face. But hey i guess this person doesnt have to now huh? So am i really stopping you from saying yes because you dont want to hurt me? Dam im already hurt no matter what, yes i am, but hey life goes on right? So i just say dam go with his flow already see where it takes you hmm maybe off a waterfall? haha who knows. Hopefully your liking of him grow into a beautiful flower. Haha and i think its cool that you guys talked to each other alot i mean both of you have cingular right?

So basically this whole situation has made me move on. I already have alot of sad and depressing things in my life right now and i dont need this crap right now! IM not going to be emo about this because thats just not me.

im sorry if this blog hurt you. Just know that im still you friend ok? You might not think that but i never give up on my friends. And i remember my promise the day i asked you out and i will stick to it. Thats what friends do.


Friends walk in when the world walks out