Blogging because i have nothing to do

well xmas was awesome yesterday haha. havent stayed up for 24 hrs in a long time.

i wonder how it feels like to be one of those people who look "hot"...like have people starring at you. I dont have low self esteem, its just something that i think about. how do they have it? is it hard for them to get a significant other? do they have confidence or is it cockiness. how does society define hot? washboard abs, long blonde wavy hair? i wonder how it feels like to be a celebrity. i mean they wake up and yea i know they have to act, but still what do they think on their off days? how much money am i going to spend today?

Jan is coming up and im kinda getting nervous...

need to start working out again, but im too lazy haha

And so this is Christmas.....

Hello..its been a while since ive blogged last. Mainly because of nursing school. I remember promising myself that i would blog everyday, but yea havent gotten to it and probably will promise myself to blog again but probably will not haha

so its that time of the year again where we wrap presents so nicely just to have it ripped to shreds like a puppy in a room full of paper. I know there are some people that try and save the wrapping paper and yea thats cool, but whoever gets my presents hahahaha you wont wanna save the wrapping paper.

This is the time for family whether it be with your cousins, relatives, or just your parents.

I was watching Bruce almighty the other day. I like the scene where he tries to file all the prayers that God has given him. I believe God doesnt answer some prayers because he has a plan for us. i know back then when i didnt have my prayers answered i learned a lesson or things have gone up from there. An example, when i was in high school, i wasnt the type to study that much. i wanted to just get the hell outta high school by just doing the things to get by. I believe that God loved me so much and wanted me to change when i did not get into the BSN program. God made me fail because i believe he wanted me to see that everything is not going to be ok in life if i just do the things to get by. So when i got to the ADN program i changed my study habits drastically. haha for the first time in my life, i didnt get a C+ in any of my semesters, i mean the final grades of the semester. Haha you must be crazy to think that i went through nursing school without getting one C hell even one D haha. but anyways im done with nursing school now. Im relieved but life is just going to keep coming at me. I know that we must take breaks and we need them from time to time, but we need to pick ourselves up and start working hard again.

my plan for this break:
-relax till jan 2nd
-Jan is study for boards month for me

i wish i was talented like Gabe Bondoc haha that guy's good

i wish everything was ok in the world...in my world

i need to catch up on alot of movies

thinking about getting a mohawk again

i believe we make our own future

i think people dont understand that college is only a couple of years...people who are just there to socialize and make friends dont see that you have your whole life to do that.

resistance 2 is fun

i love Scrubs hahaha so funny

my graduation was nice. I was asked to bring the 5 most important people in my life to the graduation

my parents: haha what can i say but they're my parents. they are there to support me, give me a house over my head, i mean i shouldnt have to explain what they've done for me for the past 21 years. hhaha im still alive!

Ate Tina: ate tina because i know that shes always going to be there for me...for anyone. I remember when i had a 60% in chemestry and she took time out of her schedule to help me. i remember converting took me all night but she was there for me. i also remember her proof reading my college essays. ate tina is someone who believed in me and i cant thank her enough.

Kris...topher: hahaha man kris. we've been through sooo much shit haha even though they mostly involved me getting in trouble. i wouldnt change a thing. It was nice to get away from the nursing school mode just hanging with him and friends, playing volleyball, or anything. Just want to say thanks for taking my mind off things as well.

Michelle: Last but not least. thank you for being there for me since 2005! without you, most of my accomplishments and knowledge would not have been possible. you have been there for me thick and thin, youve seen me through my best and my worst during school and life. haha i remember all the times that you had to proofread my dumb sounding essays, help me study, etc.
You have been a big part of my life and there is no way that i could ever thank you enough for what you have done.


HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

IMnLY

So lets see....ive been kinda sick watching espn or sportcenter lately. Its because they keep showing the loss of USC and the angels. Man wtf! haha im kinda disappointed @ USC but i knew it was going to happen. The angels man wtf were u thinking vladdy.

Anywho another thing that pissed me off and thats always been an inconvience to me is the Verizon network. I dont know if its just our house or something but ive been getting dropped calls and freaking late texts. Sometimes i dont even get calls. so yea i went to the verizon store and they said ooo yea we can upgrade your program so that you get stronger signal strength and a longer battery life..just come back in an hour he said. So yea i come back an hour later and he said that my phone would not accept the upgrade....WOW! i just wasted my fucking time! he said yea we can replace your phone...haha man ive had my phone replaced 6 times or so. But yea he said we dont have your phone and that i could go to another verizon wireless store and get another one. The closest one was near costa mesa. Fuck that. Man im getting sick of verizon but i have to get it because my dad signed another contract with them and i dont want to be paying just to talk to my dad.

I saw this clip of a man hitting a woman because she cut him in line @ mcdonalds. just amazed to see how stupid people can get and how angry this world is.

I played volleyball today. haha man i suck!

tomorrow i gotta work on my case study tom. I think i need to go to the hospital tom to get more information for my case study. haha great another 5 bucks for freaking parking.

Hopefully the angels win tom. I cant wait till hockey season haha almost there.


Gnite world

doo-bie-doo-bie-doo

well today was interesting. we took our med surg quiz and yea...where the hell did that shit come from. I know she said anything's fair game, but does that mean like even the stuff we didnt even cover? meh its alright. This past clinical weekend, i actually felt like i was finally doing something. like during my past rotations, ive hung an IVPB and gave meds but that was it. This weekend was pretty good. I got to do my first and second IV pushes haha and other things. I had a pt who was a workload, but hey it was worth it. Ive been thinking about my specialty in nursing and yea im kinda drifting away from peds. I mean i wouldnt mind, but when i start working i want to be doing something, not just chilling the whole 12 hours. Peds ER was different, except what everyones coming into the Er with a fever, N/V. its like Vital signs crazy....i cant do that! im thinking now of doing med surg for about a year to get my skills down and then go to ER or ICU. i want to do something while im young, i want to experience the worse trauma that comes in. Pediatrics is still in my view but maybe later on down the road.

Congrats to those who got to do CPR.

Our teacher today talked about graduation.....yea. kinda scary. we get to decide how we want to run things this time. this school sucks...only 5 people are allowed to be invited? wtf is that. Its just like servite all over again. Rich ass school cheap ass ceremony. haha maybe i should just make copies. But yea one the topic of expensiveness if thats even a word...my teacher said for the pinning ceremony we could buy pins and those would run around...$300. and im like wtf? shit we cant even park on campus and now this? wow haha i think my pin is going to just be a disneyland pin. i mean its cheaper to buy a ticket and get a pin and spend money on gas then get a pin for 300 bucks which im probably going to lose within the next year. so yea. Anywho, we decided to have music too. so yea me and some of my friends are planning to play some songs and sing at our post pinning. so yea well see how that goes.

lets see my nutrition has not been good at all lately. I mean yea i still weigh 190lbs but my choice of foods have not been good thanks to the midterm and clinicals. I mean the days before the mid term, i was going to taco bell and getting that 89 cent double beefy cheese burrito and yea. Ive also eaten KFC and Mcdonalds....FUCK! haha today i wanted to start off right again so i ate cereal this morning with bananas. I dont know ive been craving alot of fast food. hahaha i need to stop or else ima get cholycestitis haha. shit.

brenyourfren

Hyped up on Mcdonald's Ice Coffee reading quotes

So its like 3:11 am and yea like the title says i drank mcdonalds coffee trying to stay up to try and finish my stupid mid term study guide. ive finished 11/33 topics....yea! my wrist are killing me crackin every time they move. So i decided to stop typing my study guide and haha type here...weird huh?

anyways i was reading random quotes....about life, love, happiness. I felt like i needed something. I feel like i need something fulfilling but at the same time i dont know what it is. Its like an itch u want to scratch but u cant. so here goes my random thoughts...

I hung out with michelle the other day which was nice and i saw her phone and she texted the other guy without thinking about the consequences. When i found out that she did that...i had to realize something. I dont control her and she can do whatever she wants. I think she texted him about how he needs to watch this movie or something and thats what they have in common. Its like that was the person she thought about first especially with the movies and who knows what else. If thats the person that she turns too, then thats ok. i told her just do whatever you want to do without thinking about my feelings. I asked her if she texted him today and she said yea. i asked how u felt about texting him. She said it felt weird. haha i thot it felt weird because she wouldnt know how i would feel about it. She said because she wasnt use to it...i was holding her back. haha and im done with that. You have my blessing to go out with him and text him and call him late night or whatever. Im totally fine with it. If we are meant to be together in the future, then we are. If you were meant to be with him, then thats fine. I never realized that i was kind of holding you back. i should of known that when it was hard to let him go just as a friend i shouldnt have made you choose. I know that you fight for your friends and thats who you are......another quality that i love about you. your going to do what you want because you want to do it. Its your life and you dont need to be told what to do. I still love u and Im totally fine with it.

I think im starting to feel much better. haha still on my way up tho


perfection...something that i will never achieve. As a son, a friend, and especially a boyfriend( especially this one. I need to work on that and i know what i have to do) because i have my flaws and i mess up in alot of ways. Thats what makes us human. What if we finally reach our "perfection"? Then what....what else is there to strive for?


i need to start playing piano again.

Heres some quotes


"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions—the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitessimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling."

"Problems in relationships occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person."

"The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable"

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never
returns, it was never yours to begin with".


Goodnight/goodmorning

haha my first yawn @ 4:33am--> hitting the pillows

Remotivated!

So today i went to Starbucks to study early in the afternoon. When this fat girl comes in and starts talking out loud to one of her friends about how shes seeing this guy, but doesnt want to date him because he has some baby momma drama and stuff like that. i was like wow does the fucking world need to know that? on top of that...her friend asked her "oh what about the other guy that you were seeing?" she replied "i left him because when he kissed me, he was like slobbering all over me and i didnt like that" so yea. WTF IS THAT!!!!???! ruin my whole day. he was slobbering on your mouth because probably you still had some flavoring on your lips from the feast you had the hour before. Im not hating on fat people, because hey im not the most in shape either. Im just saying man lower your voice and keep that shit between you and your friend.

The title of my blog is remotivated....I think i have found my jump start for this semester. I just got done reading like 10 minutes ago so around 1:15ish. Today also at starbucks i was reading on where to place the leads for an ECG. I was on a page where there was a picture of a man with the leads and stuff. This guy walks up to me and points to the picture saying in spanish thats a man's body. and i said yea. he looked about in his 30's. He asked me what i was studying for. I said nursing school. Im going to be a nurse...he didnt understand me at first. But he said not a doctor but those people that help the doctors right? i said yea. Then he grabbed his walker because i can tell by his stance that he was wobbling and needed something to hold him up. He patted me on the back and he said something in spanish. At first i didnt understand what he said. I asked him what that meant...he said MAY GOD BLESS YOU. Just to hear him say that to me was very nice. it made my day....no kris im not gay or anything..haha you and your dirty mind, but yea. For him to say that means to me that somewhere in his past a nurse really made an impact on his life. Thats the main reason i wanted to do nursing. to make an impact on people's lives.


those were just 4 words and in an instance, it has motivated me to finish my school now. It has put me in a different mind set.

bring it on....


Nurse B

So yea i woke up today @ 9:44 am. Didnt get that much sleep. I ended up sleeping @ around 3:06 am for some freaking reason. I was tired. I was tired, i was overwhelmed by the expectation of advanced med surg 3. She stated yesterday, people usually average a freaking C in her class, i looked at the breakdown and yea her midterm and final are well she said are going to basically be the nclex questions. FFFUUUUCCCKKKK! i have to step it up this semester. We went over freaking dysrhythmmias today...i hate that shit but i have to admit shes a really good teacher. She explains everything well, but well see how good she is after i take the test. So yea i also have her for clinicals and she said..."be ready to be busy and have fun at the same time. You're going to see alot at St. Francis". She showed us a picture of a case in the ER where the Dr. had to open the patient's chest and had to CPR directly on the patient's heart....man thats fucking tight. I cant wait.

But yea anyways after school i came home and went to go play vball since my mom didnt want me to do anything and i definitely didnt want to study yet. So yea i played vball and got kinda tired. Got some advice from friends today about the situation...so thank you for that. i appreciate your point of views. i think im willing to accept one thing at least. But yea i didnt get any sleep because today would of been our monthly anni. I coulda been @ her dorm celebrating it with her @ 12 instead of just calling...but yea that didnt happen. I still love her and probably will for a very long time. some people at the ADN program said man you lost weight...i was like uhh yea i guess i did, but i havent really had an appetite after that incident so yea. I realized that im out of that sad phase kinda and into that anger phase...not at her but at that fucker. i wanted to go outside and start punching my punching bag @ 2:30 because i was getting restless. I was also wondering and some thoughts.....

-i wonder if you told him you like him and what his reaction was...haha i wonder if hes going to visit your dorm and you two will have your alone time
-wonder if hes the one you text/call at night/throughout the day instead of me....replacing me cuz if thats the case should i even have any hope?
-wonder when your going to realize your mistake and do something about it
-i wonder when you do talk to him, if you forget me and how much it hurt me when you talked to him or went on a date with him
-it sucks how you shouldnt of even have to wonder in the first place
-man maybe i wouldnt feel so overwhelmed if you were there for me this semester.
-i wonder how long its going to take to get over me feeling hurt
-i wonder if she knows that i feel like her backup...someone that she goes back to when something doesnt work out with that other person.
-i asked kris if our family would hate her...he said no because they really never really got to spend time with her...and its true in a sense. I mean if you did spend more time with the family you wouldnt feel so awkward around them.

i have to study today so i had to get that all of my chest and mind or else i wouldnt be able to focus on school. I swear this blog is making up for me talking to you at night. Im still use to calling you and telling you watsup, but i guess this blog will do.


i hate school, i miss her.



Ima try and tear advanced med surg 3 a new asshole..

till next time.