So yea i woke up today @ 9:44 am. Didnt get that much sleep. I ended up sleeping @ around 3:06 am for some freaking reason. I was tired. I was tired, i was overwhelmed by the expectation of advanced med surg 3. She stated yesterday, people usually average a freaking C in her class, i looked at the breakdown and yea her midterm and final are well she said are going to basically be the nclex questions. FFFUUUUCCCKKKK! i have to step it up this semester. We went over freaking dysrhythmmias today...i hate that shit but i have to admit shes a really good teacher. She explains everything well, but well see how good she is after i take the test. So yea i also have her for clinicals and she said..."be ready to be busy and have fun at the same time. You're going to see alot at St. Francis". She showed us a picture of a case in the ER where the Dr. had to open the patient's chest and had to CPR directly on the patient's heart....man thats fucking tight. I cant wait.

But yea anyways after school i came home and went to go play vball since my mom didnt want me to do anything and i definitely didnt want to study yet. So yea i played vball and got kinda tired. Got some advice from friends today about the situation...so thank you for that. i appreciate your point of views. i think im willing to accept one thing at least. But yea i didnt get any sleep because today would of been our monthly anni. I coulda been @ her dorm celebrating it with her @ 12 instead of just calling...but yea that didnt happen. I still love her and probably will for a very long time. some people at the ADN program said man you lost weight...i was like uhh yea i guess i did, but i havent really had an appetite after that incident so yea. I realized that im out of that sad phase kinda and into that anger phase...not at her but at that fucker. i wanted to go outside and start punching my punching bag @ 2:30 because i was getting restless. I was also wondering and some thoughts.....

-i wonder if you told him you like him and what his reaction was...haha i wonder if hes going to visit your dorm and you two will have your alone time
-wonder if hes the one you text/call at night/throughout the day instead of me....replacing me cuz if thats the case should i even have any hope?
-wonder when your going to realize your mistake and do something about it
-i wonder when you do talk to him, if you forget me and how much it hurt me when you talked to him or went on a date with him
-it sucks how you shouldnt of even have to wonder in the first place
-man maybe i wouldnt feel so overwhelmed if you were there for me this semester.
-i wonder how long its going to take to get over me feeling hurt
-i wonder if she knows that i feel like her backup...someone that she goes back to when something doesnt work out with that other person.
-i asked kris if our family would hate her...he said no because they really never really got to spend time with her...and its true in a sense. I mean if you did spend more time with the family you wouldnt feel so awkward around them.

i have to study today so i had to get that all of my chest and mind or else i wouldnt be able to focus on school. I swear this blog is making up for me talking to you at night. Im still use to calling you and telling you watsup, but i guess this blog will do.


i hate school, i miss her.



Ima try and tear advanced med surg 3 a new asshole..

till next time.